Faqs
What is grief counselling?
Grief counselling is a specialized form of therapy to assist individuals and families to cope with their grief when facing a loss.
There is no one approach to grief therapy. Each counsellor or therapist uses the techniques he or she finds most effective based on the individual’s circumstances and needs.
Grief counselling and therapy are about sharing a person’s journey before or after a loss. It’s not about rescuing or fixing that person. It’s about listening to his/her stories and thoughts with an open mind and open heart. The grief counsellor or therapist’s role is to help the person with transitions and new beginnings.
“The grief counsellor acts as a fellow traveler with the bereaved rather than consultant, sharing the uncertainties of the journey, and walking alongside, rather than leading the grieving individual along the unpredictable road toward a new adaptation” - Robert Neimeyer author of Meaning Reconstruction and the Experience of Loss
How do I know if I need grief counselling?
Some people believe that therapy is only for people who have “something seriously wrong” with them. In reality, going to therapy is normal and nearly everyone can benefit from it at some point in life.
The process of moving through the stages associated with loss is difficult and you may discover that you need some assistance coping. Counselling can provide you with comfort as you resolve your thoughts and feelings and come to terms with your loss.
Grieving individuals need reassurance that what they are experiencing is normal. Counsellors can help people understand and identify the ways they are reacting. Some people grieve through their expression of feelings. Others grieve through problem solving, thinking, and activities. There are many different ways in which individuals experience, express and adapt to loss.
You don’t have to be suffering from a traumatic loss or a major catastrophe to speak with a grief counsellor. For example, people seek grief counselling when they lose their jobs, when their long-term relationships come to an end or when their pets pass away.
It’s common to feel somewhat nervous about going to the first counselling session. If you’re reading this website, it means you are open to facing your grief and moving through the grief process. Moving through this process, however painful, can actually enhance your life rather than limit it. If you are reading this website, it’s because of what is right with you, not what is wrong.
Seeking counsel can be one of the best things you’ve ever done for yourself!
Are all counsellors trained in grief therapy?
No. Although people who are trained to offer more general counselling services may also offer grief therapy, grief therapists have specialized education and training in the area of both normal and abnormal grief responses. Unlike traditional counselling, the behaviour associated with grief does not need to be stopped or suppressed. Instead, a grief counsellor is more like a guide who assists you in exploring your feelings and detaching yourself from the negative aspects of the loss while encouraging you to build a healthy positive future.
A grief counsellor will have extensive knowledge of the variety of grief reactions and processes specific to many types of losses, such as death, divorce, separation, etc.
This type of practitioner focuses specifically on assessing whether or not what you’re experiencing is a normal grief process in reaction to a loss, or a more significant and serious reaction. A grief counsellor can assist you to discover your own strengths and to develop resources for facing the challenges that your loss has brought to your life.
How is talking to a grief counsellor any different than talking about your problems with a parent or friend?
Family members, friends, and lovers can be a great support. Having close interpersonal relationships is very healthy and these relationships have great value. However talking to a grief counsellor is very different. Grief counsellors have years of specific training and expertise to guide their questions and help you make the changes you are looking for.
A grief counsellor provides experiences, not advice. Often, people struggle because they get stuck, not because they lack some vital piece of information or key piece of advice. Grief therapy can be very challenging and can involve some difficult work, but the end result can also be very rewarding.
How effective is grief counselling?
Obviously, a grief counsellor cannot “make it all go away.” The grief therapist can help you to cope with your pain and teach you to use the pain as a means of growth and personal development.
It is important to remember there is no timetable for working through the grief process. Coming to terms with grief depends on many other factors confronting you in your life.
Learning to accept that we do NOT get over a loss, but learn to live with the loss experience, can help you move towards accepting your grief response as a JOURNEY. It is a part of your own life experience and not merely tasks to be accomplished to “get better.” The loss experience is part of your life journey on a physical, behavioral, cognitive, emotional and spiritual level.
It is your job to look within yourself and find hope and a new purpose in life. You have to paint the canvas of your new life. A grief counsellor simply helps you select the right brush.
While a grief counsellor cannot numb you to the pain you are feeling as you cope with your grief, the therapist can assist you to answer the inevitable questions that you will ask as you learn to deal with loss.
As you walk this path together, you will discover your own beliefs about grieving while the counsellor provides a safe place for you to sort out who you are now versus the memories of who you once were.
